The Force Awakened a boner in my pants when I saw Leia again. She was the first woman I stroked my lightsaber to as a young boy… well, besides my pre-school teacher Mrs. Burkhart, but that doesn’t count.

I can’t believe my entry was rejected at the gingerbread house contest at church!! I spent hours working on that thing only to be denied the “Most Creative” ribbon?!

Every time I hear the March of the Toy Soldiers on the Xmas station, I just gotta dance…even if I’m stuck in traffic and the only place to dance is alongside the highway! Why do the pigs always gotta ruin a girl’s good time just when her candy cane show was getting good!! Fuck the police!!

• Tammy Tornado

A few weeks ago, a friend sent me this photo which I thought was just fan art.

Turns out my Queef Nugget Yankee Candle was actually used in this circular for Werner Lumber in Pine Grove, PA!

I’d like to plant a big, fat wet one on the person who slipped this in!

REDDIT Users Discuss the Queef Nuggets Candle Ad

Werner Lumber Co. actually posted an apology on their Facebook page! Poor Bastards! But hey, it got them some extra publicity!

And here’s my original pic found here on TornadoFamilyValues.com