It’s always a nice treat when my son Clive comes to visit. He offered to perform a new “magic trick” which turned out to be unbelievably shocking. It’s not that the trick was amazing, it’s that I had no idea it involved plugging his I-Pod into his asshole!!

My pussy MIGHT have an odor to it, but I wouldn’t say it stinks! This bitch had the audacity to walk into a public restroom and make such a scene over the “alleged” mix of ass and twat smells permeating the room. Newsflash bitch! This is the fucking Walmart shitter, not the perfume counter at Macy’s!

Pull those capris down and I bet your baby maker stinks too! And furthermore…who the fuck is wearing capris in February?! Go back to the Pottery Barn, skank wad! #overprivilegedwhitebitchescansuckmyclam

Like any good dyke, I love my pick-up truck. It got me through this hellish winter. But I’ve had enough and now I can’t wait for all this snow to melt so I can take my VETTE out on the road again.

-Tammy Tornado

Putting my most valuable asset to good use, giving back to the community. Mother nature needs to know that I’M the biggest, baddest bitch around these parts.

I hope you all appreciate the fact that every day…

I risk getting a horrible cold by continuing to dress slutty as the temperature drops below freezing!

I’m thinking about becoming an UBER Driver to make some extra cash. My rates can’t be beat! (No cash? No worries! Ass, Gas, or Grass are all acceptable forms of payment.)

Without fail, every friggin’ winter since they were little…my goddamn asshole children spend hours building a snow Jabba the Slut as ME in my own motherfucking front yard! I’ve called the cops, but they just laugh at it! What else can I do, but pray for a heat wave to melt this shit away!

One woman’s trash is another woman’s afternoon snack!

I could smell a doughnut a mile away…Like a piggy to a truffle!

I tore that bag open within 3 seconds of the shop worker dropping it to the curb and devoured its contents before they could swat at me with a broom.

(Only a few of them touched pavement. I’ll take those home for Tammy and Christopher.)

Even though I’m somewhat offended, I have to admit…

Tammy did a great job. The resemblance is uncanny!