My kids are taking me out to a classy place to celebrate their Mammy for Father’s Day since their deadbeat daddy ran out on us nearly 30 years ago! Fuck you Dick Tornado, wherever you are! Let’s hope it’s 6 feet under!

I’m not saying I’m a slut, but…

Thank you all for your concern. Though you may not have verbalized it, I know in your hearts you were worried about me. I’m okay though. I just spent the past 3 hours wedged in the bath tub. Again. I fell over while aggressively wiping. My daughter Tammy rushed to the scene to help, but not before taking dozens of embarrassing photos of me in this horrible situation. Just wait until I regain feeling in my right arm, you little bitch. I’m gonna slap that ginger mullet off your head!

Wiener carts are so two thousand thirteen, but my Pink Taco truck is two thousand VAJEEEEN!!