Tonight, I learned that my cooter is not always the best place to hide things. I was so afraid that Tammy would get the last popsicle, I stashed it in my hidey hole ’til after dinner. Now my sugar is low and my pussy is numb and no one gets to savor the flavor! Unless…

I LOVE Costco.

I’m such a frequent shopper that they set me up with my very own lift to reach the higher shelves since I buy by the pallet.

Ooh there’s a sex trafficking Superbowl Crackdown! ABC reports that there has been a spike in sex ads throughout NY & NJ, and women and children are being shipped into the area to service horny men during super bowl weekend. Children?? You sick bastards. I decided I had to do something to save the children. So I charged up my Rascal and headed to the armpit of America. New Jersey. I’ve been here for 2 days and already I’m rolling in the dough! $$$$ Again, I’m only doing it to save the children.

I love eating, but I hate eating alone. Won’t you join me and keep me company?

I promise not to eat off your plate so long as you foot the bill. ❤

I think there’s something wrong with this scale!

Don’t get excited, assholes. I was just window shopping.

Happy Sexy Saturday!

It’s Friday night. What are you bitches up to?
Chris and Tammy went out  “poon hunting” so I decided to stay in while I have the house to myself.

(Unless you count Mr. Pickles here).

It’s just easier than getting dressed, charging up the Hover Round and having to roll deodorant under my tits and pits.

I CAME,

I CONQUERED,

BUT MOSTLY … I JUST CAME.

What’s a woman gotta do to get a little privacy around here?!

Christ, I can’t even look at my turds before I flush them without an audience?!
GET OUT!

A little snow ain’t gonna keep me from heading to the 7-Eleven, dressed like Cyndee Somers to pick up my snow storm necessities like: scratch tickets, Slim Jims, wet wipes, Archie comics, Pepsi and flavored rubbers. See you at 10, right Fritzy??

Happy MLK Jr Day.

Miss you, Boo!!

Thank you all for your concern, but I’m alive and well. I spent the weekend hostessing the NAAFA convention in Worcester. Even if you missed out on the Fat n’ Sassy Fashion Show or Big n’ Beautiful Bingo, or the “Tons of Fun” Talent show… you can still make a donation and receive a vhs tape of the weekend’s activities! Of course, the parking lot Scooter Demolition Derby was not on the schedule, but after we all got drunk we couldn’t help but slam into each other!