I received the most amazing, customized, handmade charm bracelet as a gift from that talented Richard Gallo-Anderson!! Oh my goodness. It’s got everything! In between his pet name for me “MAMMYSAURUS” there is a Twinkie, Fork, Fupa heart, a blue waffle!! A knife, a ginger COCK! A vile of ginger pubes, a spoon, a mustache and a chicken leg! I LOVE IT!! Thank you so much, my little ginger snap!!

Vaginas disgust me. Especially my own.

I’m finally home from my whirlwind holiday tour of the east coast. My family is fatter than ever, my friends (Like Charlotte) are horny and drunk as ever and Santa returned feeling to my left foot! It was a friggin’ Christmas miracle!

But, I gained so much weight over the past week that I can’t pull my pants up over my gunt! I am exhausted but will resume delivery of my daily sexual threats and harassment once I’ve rested up. Go Pats!

If you hang empty condoms on your mantel or book cases, I will appear on Christmass Eve to fill each and everyone for you!

No need to leave me milk and cookies, just stay in bed, scantily clad to help me out!

I don’t know which of you sent me this box of candies, but they were delicious.

There’s just one I couldn’t place. It was softer than the others, had a nutty flavor and what looked like corn kernels in it. ???

Stocking up on Mammy’s Christmas gift!

Ok, there’s absolutely no need to panic, people!

The tree has not been destroyed, it has just been, um…altered by a series of unfortunate events involving Tammy and Chris, 1 can of silly string, a cigarette and a double dog dare…

We found our Christmas tree. It was already decorated and just sitting there in the middle of the town green!