Of all nights of the year, I fear this one the most. Mischief Night as we call it here in Chelmsford. Every year those neighborhood brats do something awful. Last year they left a flaming paper bag on my porch, filled with shit sludge from my very own septic tank! They toilet papered my trees with the soggy, shitty tp also from my tank! To this day, kernals of corn STILL show up in my driveway when it rains hard enough to dislodge them from the gaps in the cement on my front steps where I was forced to stomp barefoot in my own excrement! (Not the first time, but still!)

I’LL BE WATCHING FOR YOU THIS YEAR YOU LITTLE SHITS!