My entire family was so distraught over the Bruins loss last night. Christopher ran off into the night wearing only his not so “lucky” Bruins boxers. He still hasn’t returned! Then, in a fit of alcohol induced rage…Hal slammed Clive’s head into the freezer door and now it’s jammed shut and I can’t get to my snacks! And to top it all off… I wake up to some angry lesbian outside who keeps pounding on the door and repeatedly calling Tammy‘s cell phone. She’s yelling something about the Bruins, tits and I distinctly heard “pay up dyke slut!” and “I’ll tear that pussy up!” Now I’m not sure if it’s fighting or flirting! Calgon take me away!!!