I hope your Memorial Day was better than mine! Tammy and Chris had filled a kiddie pool with delicious looking jello that glistened as it shimmied and shook. I leaned over the pool to scoop a bowl and fell in. I couldn’t get out and the entire party laughed at me while watching me writhe around in the jello, tossing beer cans and half eaten hot dogs at me for a good 2 hours before anyone thought to call for help. Now my kids hate me for “ruining their party”. How was I supposed to know that jello was not meant for consumption?  Why does every family gathering end this way, goddammit?!!

Well, Mother Nature…nice try, but your nonstop crappy rainy weather can’t keep our family from having a friggin’ good time! It’s Memorial Day weekend and goddammit we are going to enjoy it even if we have to do it inside!

I hope you all can make it to Chelmsford for the annual Tornado Family Memorial Day BBQ! Please don’t let last year’s festivities scare you off! Fortunately we only lost 42 hot dogs to the fire that day.

Do it! Call my voice mail number and submit your 3 minute performance!

There can only be one winner, so make your song amazing!! (A prize will be awarded!)

I did my good deed for the day. I saw a school bus in flames at the side of the road… teenagers were fleeing in all directions, it was chaos. But I acted fast and got right in there! Without hesitation I put my life on the line and saved all 42 lunch bags! They will be held at an undisclosed location for their own safety…if they survive the ride home. Nom Nom Nom!

I want to go camping with my family this weekend, but I’m having trouble coming up with the funds to buy this tent that’s big enough to sleep all of us. (The downfall of having 4 grown kids!) FB has agreed to donate $1 for each comment I receive under this post. Please participate to help “Keep the skeeters off my tweeter!” while camping!

On the way home from my doctor’s appointment, Tammy treated me to some fresh donuts at the quicky mart. I know she really just wanted an excuse to flirt with the woman who works there, but I still consider it some quality mother/daughter bonding time.

They’re coming to take me away ha ha hee hee

To the Fatty Farm where life is beautiful all day long…

MY ASS IT IS!! HELP!!

Lovers, come to me. Let us embark…on a rendezvous in the park!