This morning, Tammy gently woke me up and told me that she and Patti Santa Lezbioski had big plans for me today. I though, How exciting! While she was shampooing her mullet I waddled outside to wait for Lezbioski’s arrival.That’s when I saw my grabber, a large sack and chloroform on the tailgate of Tam Tam’s truck! I’m hiding beneath my neighbor’s Winnebago and now I think I’m stuck. Please send help before they follow my trail of sweat!