Mammy Tornado:

Looky what that hunky mailman delivered today!

My very own Mammy stickers! Let’s cover the earth with my girth!!

Chris Tornado:

The holidays can be a depressing time for some folks. Broke? Lonely? Feeling suicidal? Don’t let your vagina get the holiday blues. I’m offering up my services to those in need…I’m here for you…and you…and that chick over there…and the one next to her…no not that one, the other one…yeahhhhh…hey you wouldn’t happen to have a twin sister who’s into threesomes…no?  Ok, moving on…

Chris Tornado:

Thanks to Tammy’s big mouth, Mammy finally discovered the spoils of this weekend’s panty raid. She threw a shit fit and is making me take down the tent and get rid of the undies immediately. I had plans to start a panty trade online! (Skidmarks double the value!) Does anyone have a place I can store them temporarily?

Mammy Tornado:

I can’t believe that goddamn Furby is making a comeback. Nobody get me one! It’s Michelle Obama’s way to watch my trans fat and calorie intake…not to mention my lack of exercise will push her over the edge! Then they’ll take away my disability checks! Must destroy!!!!

Tammy Tornado:

Congratulations go out to two of my favorite dykes Phyll and Roberta who got married this past Saturday. It was a beautiful ceremony. I’d like to also apologize to my two favorite dykes for my behavior during the reception…but come on, an open bar in Tuna Town? You were just asking for it.

Chris Tornado:

I’m going to bed ladies. I’ll see you all in my dreams. We’re gonna do it. I just hope I don’t wake up stuck to my sheets again. You know how embarrassing it is to beg your mom to pry you loose from your vintage Star Wars sheets? Pretty dang embarrassing.

But Mom! I was just checking to see if it had thawed all the way through! I swear!

VISIT OUR ETSY STORE AT:

https://www.etsy.com/listing/115690838/tornado-family-values-t-shirt-pre-order

WE ARE TAKING PRE-ORDERS FOR TORNADO FAMILY VALUES T-SHIRTS. SPECIFY MEN/WOMEN STYLE AND SIZE WHEN ORDERING.

PLACE YOUR ORDER BY NOV. 26th 2012 TO GET IN ON THE ACTION!

LISTEN NOW!!

MY CHRISTMAS ALBUM IS NOW POSTED ONLINE!

http://mammytornado.bandcamp.com/album/a-dysfunctional-christmas-with-mammy-tornado

(The lyrics will pop up if you click on the option next to one of the song title/tracks)

Enjoy! And let me know what you think.

Share with EVERYONE you know who’s just as dysfunctional as we are!

Mammy Tornado:

It’s almost time to butter my biscuits and suck on a drumstick!

Available for FREE download on November 23, 2012 at:

http://mammytornado.bandcamp.com/

Spread a little Christmas cheer by playing “A Dysfunctional Christmas

with Mammy Tornado” at your family gatherings this holiday season!

It’s a sure way to get rid of those boring, prudish family members

who overstay their welcome every goddamn year!

Chris Tornado:

You know you’re big pimpin’ when Walmart has to install a sign just because of your sex life! Booyahhhh!

Mammy Tornado:

I’ve just gone through my finances and found that Christmas gift money is tight this year. So for a limited time only – I’m offering a a peek at my heavenly body through the hole of a 45 record album for only $1.00. Each buck gets you a 15 second gander at either my belly button, nipple or cooter. Butthole is gonna cost you extra.

Tammy Tornado:

Mammy Tornado:

I’m too excited for Christmas this year. Tammy and I are baking sugar cookies! Who wants to come over and help decorate them tonight??

Mammy Tornado:

I refuse to vote because neither candidate has any facial hair! You know how I love the fuzz! The last U.S. President to have a friggin’ mustache was William Taft! Not only did he sport a sexy stash, but he was an advocate of fat and pushed to legalize fupa! He was the heaviest President weighing (a measly) 332 lbs. But he was still big enough to get stuck in a bath tub! Oh, Mr. President …you’re giving me the vapors!