The holidays can be a depressing time for some folks. Broke? Lonely? Feeling suicidal? Don’t let your vagina get the holiday blues. I’m offering up my services to those in need…I’m here for you…and you…and that chick over there…and the one next to her…no not that one, the other one…yeahhhhh…hey you wouldn’t happen to have a twin sister who’s into threesomes…no? Ok, moving on…
Thanks to Tammy’s big mouth, Mammy finally discovered the spoils of this weekend’s panty raid. She threw a shit fit and is making me take down the tent and get rid of the undies immediately. I had plans to start a panty trade online! (Skidmarks double the value!) Does anyone have a place I can store them temporarily?
Congratulations go out to two of my favorite dykes Phyll and Roberta who got married this past Saturday. It was a beautiful ceremony. I’d like to also apologize to my two favorite dykes for my behavior during the reception…but come on, an open bar in Tuna Town? You were just asking for it.
VISIT OUR ETSY STORE AT:
WE ARE TAKING PRE-ORDERS FOR TORNADO FAMILY VALUES T-SHIRTS. SPECIFY MEN/WOMEN STYLE AND SIZE WHEN ORDERING.
PLACE YOUR ORDER BY NOV. 26th 2012 TO GET IN ON THE ACTION!
MY CHRISTMAS ALBUM IS NOW POSTED ONLINE!
(The lyrics will pop up if you click on the option next to one of the song title/tracks)
Enjoy! And let me know what you think.
Share with EVERYONE you know who’s just as dysfunctional as we are!
Available for FREE download on November 23, 2012 at:
Spread a little Christmas cheer by playing “A Dysfunctional Christmas
with Mammy Tornado” at your family gatherings this holiday season!
It’s a sure way to get rid of those boring, prudish family members
who overstay their welcome every goddamn year!
I’ve just gone through my finances and found that Christmas gift money is tight this year. So for a limited time only – I’m offering a a peek at my heavenly body through the hole of a 45 record album for only $1.00. Each buck gets you a 15 second gander at either my belly button, nipple or cooter. Butthole is gonna cost you extra.
I refuse to vote because neither candidate has any facial hair! You know how I love the fuzz! The last U.S. President to have a friggin’ mustache was William Taft! Not only did he sport a sexy stash, but he was an advocate of fat and pushed to legalize fupa! He was the heaviest President weighing (a measly) 332 lbs. But he was still big enough to get stuck in a bath tub! Oh, Mr. President …you’re giving me the vapors!