Chris Tornado:
If you uh, live in the area and get one of these under your door – pay no attention. It doesn’t concern you. Well, maybe some of you…
Archives
All posts for the month July, 2012
Mammy Tornado:
I put on some dance music to motivate Christopher while he cleans the house around me. It makes me wish I could move! After eating such a large breakfast, all I have the energy for is wiggling my big toe to the beat. And that’s pushing it.
Mammy Tornado:
What a wonderful Sunday Funday! My sweet daughter spent the entire day with me. We rolled out around noon and headed into town. We worked up a hunger having traveled a quarter of a mile downtown, so we stopped by Star Market to pick up some snacks. But I think those Cheetos were old because they tasted funny and caused me to shit my pants right in front of the Quality Inn. So Tammy, being the most clever dyke daughter ever… she snuck me into their pool area to rinse off. (I’m not sure if she did it to spare me the embarrassment or to spare herself the stink, riding downwind from me. )Then we headed home to catch the last 4 hours of the Cagney and Lacey marathon while devouring Chinese take out. I’m feeling a rumble in my bowels again. Uh oh.
(Click on the pic to see a larger version.)
Tammy Tornado:
With my gf having moved out money’s been tight at the homestead. It ain’t cheap owning property in P-Town. Anyways, I picked myself up a 2nd job 3 evenings a week. I’m in a hot hole heaven waxing beavers for a living! The boss warned me to never mix business with pleasure, but goddamn do you know how hard it is not to stick my finger in there?!
Chris Tornado:
I promised to take this super slutty girl who bags our groceries to see Katy Perry but I need to know, what is proper concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after?
“Mighty opponents all. We’ve got Gojira, who breathes fire…then there’s Kong, who has the combined strength of an entire short-bus full of enraged retards…but Mammy can bring the hammer down anytime she wants with that all-smothering iron fupa of hers, not to mention her ability to control and release an unending amount of toxic vapors that would gag a maggot. One thing is for sure, none of them are going to relinquish control of that Twinkie stash easily. This is not going to be pretty, folks.”
Chris Tornado:
What an unexpected surprise! I was presented with an award at work today! Not so much for my job performance, but still – any award is a good award in my book! And if it wasn’t followed up with a pink slip, then even better! Along with the award they gave me a new mouse pad…with boobies on it! Squishy boobies! Finally, people are showing a little appreciation for my craft!
Mammy Tornado:
Tip of the day:
Do NOT shit in the pool. It does NOT sink to the bottom where no one will notice… it friggin’ floats up top and follows you around just like a child who finds he has waded too deep and can’t touch bottom and he’s trying to cling to you for safety.
Turd be gone, you are no son of mine!
Mammy Tornado:
Chris Tornado:
In my opinion, July 9th 2012 has been the BEST holiday ever!
Chris Tornado:
Check it out. Clive’s cable got turned off for a few days, so he’s staying with me and Mammy for the weekend. Tonight, he partied with some of his old buddies two houses down. They called me to pick him up and this is what I found. Every time I tried to coax him off the couch he swatted at me with a fist full of cock stank. Screw that! I left his drunk ass behind. But I did grab the porn mag. Gotta go. I’m ummm, busy and stuff.
Mammy Tornado:
I miss waking up late on Saturday mornings when my kids were young. I’d enjoy a cup of coffee and a few boxes of donuts while Clive, Hal, Chris and Tammy watched Pee Wee’s playhouse. But as soon as Muppet Babies came on, Tammy would lose interest and start beating the shit out of the boys. She always did throw the best hay-makers!
With this year being a big election year as well as the end of civilization as we know it on Dec. 21st – it’s now or never.
FIGHT FOR FREEDOM, FIGHT FOR FUPA!!
The government is already taking away our trans fats and biggie sized beverages!
Do NOT let them take away our right to bear fat aprons and muffin tops! We would not be American without them!
Mammy Tornado:
Check out the lint ball my son Chris pulled out of my belly button this evening!
It came out wet and stinky, so I had put the blow dryer to it. It fluffed up nicely!
I’m so sick of hearing all the chicks around me talking about “Magic Mike this and Magic Mike that”.
I’ve got your Magic Mike right here!
Alright you cocks and twats! Who’s coming to our Tornado Family BBQ today? We’ve got:
- burgers
- sausages
- popsicle squats
- ribs and coleslaw
- tater salad
- bobbing for cobs
- miracle whip slip n’ slide
- foot long wieners
- koolaid
- jello wrestling
- drumsticks, thighs, breasts, tits and ass!
B.Y.O.B! Whaddya think I’m made of money?!
Call my voice mail at 978-558-0712
Leave me a message letting me know what you’d like to do to my body, or what you want me to do to yours. I hope it involves food like hot fudge, peanut butter… friggin’ Doritos. All of the above… I don’t even care!
Tell me what you’re having for dinner. Tell me how you got that rug burn on your knees. Tell me your darkest, dirtiest little secrets.
Call me when you’re drunk. Call me when you’re naked. Just call me!
If your message is a good one, I may use it in a future video at:
http://www.youtube.com/user/MammyTornado
- “You are not a thyroid fatso, you are just an anatomical abomination! I don’t want to fuck you. I wanna fuck you, I wanna fuck you up badly! Like pushing a retard off a cliff in a wheelchair.” – Loving words left for me from my sweet little sugar dumpling, Blu Reyes-Saens
- “I’ve been a bad, bad, bad pizza delivery boy. I was trying to come to the house with that meat lovers supreme that you love so much and on my way to Chelmsford I was so excited I had to pull over 3 times to cum. And now the pizza’s cold, the cum is hot…” – Michael Angelo Tata, you always make my panties moist!
- “Hey Mammy, this is Wilford Brimley calling. Jeremy Fritz turned me on to your profile on seniormeetpeople.com. As you know I’m sure I got diabeetus, but uhhhh…if you’re interested I’d like to take you out to Old Town Buffet some evening and uhhh .. afterwards if you don’t mind the dialysis machines, I’d like to bury my big walrus mustache in your caterpillar hole. Hope to hear from you soon, sexy. Bye bye.”
- ” *..Long sigh..* Whateverrrrrrrr. Hello Mammy. It’s me Fagalicious. I’m spending the afternoon in the Hamptons and O’s to the M’s to the G’s it is gorgeous out! All of a sudden I get an invitation to go to Coney Island for a hot dog eating contest tomorrow. Coney Island?! I mean here I am drinking these beautiful colored drinks in the Hamptons and they want me to go to Coney Island? *Scoff – puleeeeze.”
tornadofamilyvalues.com 